Journey within; A beginner's guide into shadow work
“The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can’t see in ourselves”
Shadow work means different things to different people. For me, it means looking at the things I may have noticed in myself, or things I haven’t been willing to admit. And also dive deeper
I started this journey about 5 months ago. Being more mindful about my feelings made me start to question them. Like the fact that I don’t like asking for help. Not only did it make me uncomfortable but the act of having to rely on someone else literally gives me anxiety. I always chucked this up to my Capricorn Sun personality.
I’m the product of a badass single mother. I did not realize how much the parent dynamic had on my personality. Having a mother who I saw basically kill this thing called life, by herself set the bar high for me. It made me think I “have” to do everything by myself. This only fueled the “strong black woman” complex in me. Always I can do it all by myself, I can handle anything and everything on my own. This reminded me of a great quote from my friend and business coach Renee Alexzandria:
““Just because I can roll with the punched, does not mean I want to be punched”. ”
I’m grateful for that armor without it I don’t know where I would be. But it has also disabled my feminine energy, allowing people especially partner to help me. Yes, sometimes I want to be rescued. Yes, I deserve a break.
Other discoveries:
· Fear of voicing my feelings, thoughts, and true intentions
· Thinking I must have it all together all the time
· Not valuing rest
· Fear of confrontation
Nobody truly enjoys uncovering these what is perceived as negative traits. And the journey of self-reflection isn’t always comfortable and without anxiety. It is very important for me, myself, and my marriage to recognize aspects of my shadow, understanding where they come from to make me a more whole and mindful person. It’s probably going to take me another year of self-discovery but I’m not seeing this as a project but more like a long terms journey on my way to my highest self.
“Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected; that is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it.”
So you are probably wondering: do I need shadow work? I really can’t answer that for you. But looking inward and discovering yourself as a whole and not just the positive half can only help.
5 benefits of doing shadow work:
· Improved relationships
· Clearer perception
· Enhanced physical health
· Psychological Maturity
· Greater creativity
If you do want to get started here are the exercises, I used to help me on my journey.
Shadow work affirmations. Say these to yourself in the mirror every day Here are a few gems from Seeking Seratonin:
I love the person I am
I love the person I’m becoming
My trauma is not my fault
I am grateful that I get to learn about who I really am
I have to feel to heal
I choose to confront my problems
I am grateful for the person I am
Facing my emotions makes me stronger
The only person I seek validation from is myself
I choose to grow and learn from pain
I am worthy of respect
I choose to release grudges
I choose to accept my parents for who they are
I accept my true self for who I am
I deserve love
#2. Recognize your triggers. This is simply recognizing your emotions in the moment they happen. Stop and ask yourself: Where are these feelings coming from? When have I felt this exact way before? What are these feelings teaching me? Am I feeling or reacting? This is not about them but about me.
#3. Journal work. Going from thoughts to paper can give you better insights and more clarity on where your mindset is. You can also go back and analyze your thoughts and dig deeper. Furthermore writing your thoughts down acts as a great release!
As I learn more myself there will be a part 2 where we will dive deeper into shadow work. Wanted to keep this really beginner friendly.
